Welcome back to the shitshow! Last week, the ladies waited until Denise was trapped on a different continent before publicly confronting her on alleged private details of her sex life (did she or did she not have sex with Brandi) and we were left wondering who was lying about what went down, Brandi or Denise? Aren't you glad these women signed up for this so we don't have to feel bad watching them destroy each others lives and tell everybody's secrets? I am! Let's get into it.
The episode begins with all the women except Denise, Garcelle, and Dorit sitting in a room together trying to piece together who is telling the truth about the shit talking and the rumored hookup, Denise or Brandi?
Meanwhile over in Denise’s room, Garcelle and Dorit are listening to Denise vehemently deny all the allegations that were said at dinner.
The following morning, Sutton stops by all the ladies' rooms because she bought them all a pair of bedazzled Hunter rain boots and brought them with her on the plane so she could gift them and then have an entire suitcase to bring home for shopping. Kyle loses her mind over the boots which would’ve been appropriate... if it was 2009.
Rinna meets Denise at her suite to talk about the night before. Denise says she wishe’s Lisa would’ve given her a heads up that this information was going to be brought up on camera. However, Lisa doesn’t believe that’s her responsibility so she lies to Denise’s face and tells her she only found out about the rumor when she was flying to Rome.
Denise for the thousandth time claims she’s only met Brandi a couple times and she's never said anything disparaging about the women to her, she’s never cheated on Aaron, and they definitely don't have an open marriage.
Denise says when she saw Brandi before Kyle’s party, she was told that all of the women were saying things about her behind her back. Wait. But didn’t she just say at dinner the night before that she hadn’t spoken to Brandi recently? Lisa notices Denise can’t keep her story straight but doesn't call her out on it right away. I assume it's because Lisa is messy and she's going to tuck the information away and use it later. This conversation literally resolves nothing.
Lisa: Welp, anyways, feel free to come out with us.
Denise: *Looks for flights home*
Before going shopping with Sutton, Kyle and Dorit are meeting to have a glass of wine and talk about what happened between them at dinner the night before. Dorit feels like Kyle cuts her off every time she tries to say something and before she can finish, Kyle literally cuts her off. Lol. Kyle is the only person I know who consistently proves people’s point about their issue with her in the moment that they’re trying to make it.
In her talking head, Dorit thinks Kyle treats her differently than she treats the other ladies and is constantly butting heads with her but she decides to forgive Kyle and move on for now They sweep their problems under the rug and move on to more pressing matters--the Denise/Brandi saga.
After spending several hours in Denise's room last night with Garcelle, Dorit believes Brandi is lying about the situation. Kyle: I don’t think Brandi is a liar, she always tells it like it is
Also Kyle:
Kyle doesn’t believe Brandi would involve herself in another scandal that would cause her legal problems again after the Joanna Krupa scandal and since she’s definitely the poorest housewife on the show--I don’t think she would either.
In the city, Kyle, Dorit, and Sutton go shopping and try on tiaras at Dolce and Gabbana because unrelatable Sutton has a friendship with the designers (they send her tiara’s every year for her birthday! Gross.) Erika, Denise, Garcelle, and Teddi go drive Ferraris to a wine cellar--also v unrelatable but still less annoying to me.
Wow. I’m sorry, but Garcelle’s outfit looks like fucking trash. What is that ill-fitting pink pant suit and fur coat? For the love of all that is pink, burn it. Even the color pink called and said “we don't want it.”
Anyway, at the winery the ladies try a squid appetizer that’s not breaded and deep fried so I’m already not on board-- coincidentally Garcelle isn’t either but she says she’s also put worse in her mouth. Also, same. I feel like we could probably be friends but she has to get rid of that offensive pink outfit first.
After some brief pleasantries, they finally address the elephant in the room which would be Denise. Erika says she didn’t like the way Aaron spoke to her and the other women at Sutton’s party and Denise apologizes on Aaron’s behalf because obviously Aaron would never actually give them one himself. As Erika and Denise are moving on and getting over their differences Garcelle interrupts the moment to confess that she’s tipsy and everyone laughs.
How come when Garcelle does it everyone laughs but when I do it my friends take my phone so I won’t call a lyft? Geeze, it’s like you black out and disappear only to be found hours later passed out on your doorstep one time and all of a sudden you’re not allowed to be drunk and have a phone anymore! I said I was sorry, okay?! At least I don’t text my exes!
Later on in the evening-- after everyone (except Dorit) is finished getting ready, they all meet downstairs in the hotel lobby to go out to dinner. Oh my fucking god, here we go again. WHAT THE FUCK IS GARCELLE WEARING TO DINNER?! The hair, the makeup--garbage! Honestly her wardrobe choices this episode are really upsetting. Somebody please get this gorgeous woman a stylist she deserves!!
The women wait for like, three hours for Dorit only for her to finally show up and make a grand entrance looking exactly like Erika. Lmfaooo. I agree with Garcelle, this look was not worth the wait. At this point I’m pretty sure Kyle has already sent somebody to poison the next room service order Dorit's glam team puts in.
HA! As I suspected, Denise said she tried to find a ticket home but of course “couldn’t get one” aka Bravo held her hostage since she’s under contract. Blink twice if you need help, Denise!
When they arrive at dinner, Denise and Erika announce they have cleared the air regarding the confrontation with Aaron, and Denise apologizes again on his behalf to all of the women at the table. Also side note: I wasn't loving Garcelle's comment earlier shaming Rinna for dancing "nearly naked" on instagram when she has a daughter with eating issues. That was definitely a thought better left unsaid.
Garcelle finally asks point blank what we all want to know--how do we move on from this so it’s not a topic of conversation anymore? Sutton says that she told Denise everything that she had said to the girls last night--that apparently she heard about this rumor two years ago. Teddi jumps in and says she doesn’t know Denise or Brandi very well so she’s not sure who to believe is telling the truth.
Denise explains that her and Brandi got introduced through a mutual friend and had dinner together (which we saw happen previously). Then after their initial encounter, Brandi was texting Denise asking to do her podcast (kind of like me texting and harassing all of my friends to read these recaps and like my Instagram posts!), Denise agrees so Brandi flies to where Denise is shooting to do the podcast together. After that, they hadn’t talked since right before Kyle’s party (this is the second time she's been caught in a lie).
Brandi apparently knows everything that's happened on all the trips they have been going on this season so Denise assumes someone in the group is telling her things which is where she’s getting her information to make up lies. Was this a setup by Kim and Kyle? It's the only scenario that makes the most sense! Kim and Brandi are friends. Am I onto something??!
Denise also says Brandi has said she’s had sex with every single woman that she’s met? Including women at the table. This is all very bizarre. I know Brandi is a sexually active gal, but this weird wording and defensive tone was a poor choice and Denise appears to be even less credible. Of course all of them deny sleeping with Brandi, and I get it. She's definitely not an encounter I would brag about either. Nobody (including me) believes Denise and the episodes ends with “To be Continued…”
I guess that's the end! A whole lot of nothing happened this episode so that was neat! At least now I’m one step closer to being released from what now is starting to feel like a hostage situation every wednesday night and we’ll never have to see Garcelle’s offensive, pink conference-room dinner attire ever again! Thank the fucking lord. See you next week! And don’t forget to tap that follow button on Instagram!
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