Ahh, we’re into the sixth episode of the season and the third episode of Kyle and Dorit's fight. What about? Dorit arriving fashionably late to Teddi’s event that nobody wanted to attend and whether or not Kyle and Teddi are in an intimate relationship (they’re not). Let’s get into it!
Garcelle and her friends arrive at a restaurant to have drinks. Oop! That malnourished wig she has on in these confessionals is actually offensive. WHO DID THAT TO THE QUEEN?! I'm calling the authorities.
Other than learning that Garcelle and all of her friends, except the married one, has fucked the same man named Will and nothing else really happens at this eskimo sisters' luncheon.
Over at Vanderpump Dogs-- also known as Kyle’s house, Kyle is in the yard with so many dogs I’m starting to wonder what the human to dog ratio is in that household and if it’s legal? I’m not sure I've seen the same dog twice.
Erika calls Kyle to ask her when exactly she left the womb so she could tell her astrologist for her upcoming dinner party. She also brings up the argument that’s been going on for, like, three episodes now between Kyle and Dorit and Kyle’s alleged lesbian love affair with Teddi. Kyle is shocked that Denise was so aggressive towards her over the subject the other night taking Dorit’s side and I am shocked that Bravo has actually pushed this story line on us at all, let alone for three episodes.
Over at Denise's, her daughter, Sami, is getting ready for homecoming season by dyeing her hair pink to match her dress. As she discusses the possible hair choices that she’s probably going to look back on and regret, she shows her stylist the four different dresses she’s ordering for the occasion with the enthusiasm of somebody who’s about to attend a funeral.
The hair stylist: Are you excited for prom?!
Denise's daughter:
At a dance studio in LA Erika is rehearsing her role as the ICONIC Roxy Heart in Broadway's Chicago with her choreographer and naturally, she fucking KILLS IT. How devastating that covid-19 delayed this opportunity for Erika because I was absolutely here for that crossover. Her choreographer shows her a video of the cast welcoming her to the crew and Erika and I both have an emotional reaction.
Out in their driveway, Lisa and Harry discuss Harry’s new role alongside the actress unknown to anyone under the age of 50, Stephanie Powers, which is why Harry has had to spend some time away from the family.
PK and Dorit meet their good friend and Buca Di Beppo owner/chairman (are those the same thing? Unclear.), Robert, at the chain to discuss Dorit designing... one room in one of the locations? That's embarrassing but okay?
Robert wants to make sure that they are for sure going to commit to this new project longer than Dorit and PK committed to Beverly Beach, and most recently the Lucy Goosey Apple Juice dog.
PK, Dorit, and even Robert are so out of touch with the reality of what Buco di Bepo's demographic is that they actually think they have to consider if Lisa Vanderpump will feel threatened about them going into business together. LOL. I don't think Lisa is worried about knock-off Olive Garden barely giving Dorit a job.
Robert estimates on a scale of 1-10, that Dorit’s commitment seems to be at about a 3.5 which is probably accurate given her track record.
Kyle is getting ready for Erika’s astrology dinner party and comes out of the bathroom in what looks like a leather tube top wrapped around her legs that makes me, my dog, and Mauricio feel uncomfortable.
When she’s finished getting ready, Kyle, Teddi, and Sutton ride to the dinner together and they’re STILL talking about the fucking fight. Teddi looks like she’s about to have a stroke and casually mentions she “just gets car sick sometimes” next to two women wearing outfits that cost way more than my rent.
In another car, Rinna, Garcelle, and Dorit ride together. The three of them show up to Erika’s house and upon being greeted everyone realizes that Lisa and Erika are in the same outfit.
Rinna, Garcelle, and Dorit when they saw Erika’s outfit:
Quick question, why is Dorit wearing silk pajamas? Unclear. The majority of the women arrive and Mr. Girardi greets the ladies with Erika and essentially tells them stories of walking to school 10 miles barefoot in the snow--except it was the Hollywood version-- as they wait for Denise and the astrologer to arrive.
After Denise arrives, Tom decides he’s seen enough of this shit show so Erika kindly escorts him out of the room before the Astrologer gets there. Based on how these kinds of nights have gone in the past (not well), I assume this one will be no different.
Once the astrologer arrives, the women all gather around another big table to argue and get all their signs read. I've had several people try and to break down the different signs for me to help me understand the gibberish coming out of the astrologer’s mouth. And while they've all done their best, the concept is still lost on me.
Me trying to follow along:
The astrologer is just finishing up reading these women he's undoubtedly watched on TV for several years obviously with extreme accuracy and the ladies have somehow managed to behave. But alas, this is Beverly Hills, so we mustn't sit at a large table without beating a dead horse while we’re at it! And like clockwork, while Dorit is being read, Kyle seizes the opportunity to jump in and bring up their issues.
Aaaaand the fight about whether Kyle and Teddi are together and going to couples therapy or not, has begun yet again. My personal hell would be having to watch the dinner scenes from the last three episodes on a loop and I think after this event, the astrologer would probably agree.
Lisa: I’m embarrassed
Me: Same.
Sutton and Dorit get into their fight about “unhinged” Sutton at Lisa Rinna’s daughters event and Erika right on cue, thanks the astrologer for his time and leads him out the door because his work here is done.
Lisa says she got upset by Sutton that night and wildly projects her own severe reactions onto her saying she was fearful that Sutton might start throwing glasses and shouting at people ruining her daughters’ event. Pot, meet kettle.
Garcelle hops on the Kyle is Shady trian and calls out Kyle for making her feel glazed over in the group and insinuates fakeness. Kyle proves that point by immediately responding to something someone else at the table said and Garcelle literally gets up and leaves (we love it). Rinna and Denise follow suit and Kyle is too busy screaming at Dorit about couples therapy to notice.
While the grown fucking ups Denise, Lisa, and Garcelle talk shit in the car, Kyle, Sutton, Erika, and Dorit continue to scream at each other from across the table. The conversation goes way left and with a little too much confidence Kyle says, Erika wouldnt understand her friendship with Teddi because she doesn’t have good friends. *Record scratch.* Yikes!
Finally, the shrieks have stopped so that tells me the episode has ended and we can now check off the “paranormal dinner gone awry” episode for the season! Congrats everyone. We did it. We got through it. Tune in next week to find out if Kyle and Teddi are having an intimate relationship on the low? (No.) Is Bravo using this as some weird set up for what’s to come with Denise and Brandi? (Yes.) Is Kyle going to forgive Dorit for not participating in Teddi’s event that nobody wanted to go to? Would any of these arguments be happening if there was no large table for them to sit at? Does anybody care but me? Sound off in the comments!